btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
