i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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