Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
