I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to calm my uterus...
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