There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
