The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
