she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize