We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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