I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
