I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
