I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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