i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
