Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
