why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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