Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
