Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
