You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
