Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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