it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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