so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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