Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
zippers are such a cool invention
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
