And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize