Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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