i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize