I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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