This beer is not sobering me up at all
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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