Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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