So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
