I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
