There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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