When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
3pm strippers are depressing
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
