Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
