so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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