I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
