im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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