i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
