farters have to be the big spoon...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
