I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
