you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
you never un-have a 4some
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
