she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
