we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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