So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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