You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize