i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
