The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
