you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
