Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
