Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
