remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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