Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
