i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
