Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
