I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
