I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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