apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
