I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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