where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
