She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize