you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
NoShamevember. You game?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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