Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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