who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
