Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
