I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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