I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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