Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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