Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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