some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
