somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
