why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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