I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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