***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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