do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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