Christians are straight up FREAKS
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
