four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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