does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
