SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
